A wounded inner child can show up in many ways in adulthood, often affecting our relationships, self-worth, and sense of safety. If you’ve ever seeing a ‘Karen’ in the wild, you’ve likely seen a triggered wounded inner child in action.
As psychologist John Bradshaw once said, “The child within us is the source of our creativity, spontaneity, and our playfulness. When wounded, that child struggles to come forward, impacting our ability to lead fulfilling lives.”
If you think your inner child may be wounded but aren’t sure, here are 10 signs that can help you recognize it, along with a pro tip from a psychologist to begin the healing process.
1. Struggling with Self-Worth
A wounded inner child often makes us feel “not good enough,” even if we achieve outward success. This persistent self-doubt can stem from feeling unworthy of love and validation as a child. If this resonates with you, know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Recognizing these signs of a wounded inner child and taking steps to work through them is a powerful stepping stone toward healing and self-acceptance. You are not alone on this journey.
2. Difficulty Setting Boundaries
Boundaries? What boundaries? Those with a wounded inner child may struggle to say no or feel guilty when setting limits. This often stems from a deep-rooted fear of rejection or abandonment that may have begun in early childhood. As a result, you might find yourself constantly overcommitting, even at the expense of your well-deserved alone time.
3. Fear of Abandonment
If you find yourself anxious about people leaving or struggle to trust others fully, this may indicate a deep-rooted fear of abandonment. For many, this fear began when caregivers were inconsistent or unavailable, but it can also be triggered by significant life events such as the death of a parent, divorce, or the loss of parental stability.
4. Perfectionism and People-Pleasing
Constantly seeking approval and aiming to be “perfect” is a coping mechanism for many wounded inner children. They learned that love and acceptance were conditional, based on meeting others’ standards rather than being themselves.
5. Avoiding Vulnerability
If expressing emotions feels uncomfortable or unsafe, your inner child may be trying to protect itself. Emotional suppression often develops when we aren’t allowed to express our true feelings as children.
6. Feeling Unseen or Unheard
A deep-seated belief that your feelings or opinions don’t matter can be a sign that your inner child felt invisible. This may lead to difficulties in relationships, as you might downplay your needs to avoid conflict.
7. Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Compulsively relying on distractions, like overeating, drinking, or excessive screen time, can be a way to numb emotional pain and avoid unresolved childhood wounds.
8. Difficulty Trusting Others
If you struggle to open up or constantly expect the worst from people, it may be rooted in early betrayals or broken trust. This guardedness often signals a wounded inner child attempting to protect itself.
9. Reacting Strongly to Criticism
If criticism feels like a personal attack or triggers a strong emotional response, it may be because your inner child learned that love was conditional, making negative feedback feel deeply painful.
10. Attachment to Old Pain
If you find yourself holding onto past hurts or feeling defined by past traumas, this could be a sign your inner child has not yet found closure. This often means that parts of you still need healing and acknowledgment.
Healing Tip: Journaling for Inner Child Healing
Journaling is a widely recognized tool for beginning inner child healing. Clinical psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera advocates for journaling as a way to “give a voice to the parts of ourselves that have gone unheard for years.” Start by writing letters to your inner child, validating their feelings and experiences. By creating a safe space for these emotions, you allow the wounded parts of you to feel seen and begin to heal. Write about your memories, express forgiveness, and show compassion to yourself in ways you may not have received as a child.
I personally found journaling to be instrumental in my own healing journey. During my year and a half in Dr. LePera’s Self Healers Circle, I was able to work through deep emotions and unresolved wounds by consistently journaling. It allowed me to access and heal parts of myself that had been buried for years. If having a supportive community sounds helpful to you, I highly recommend putting yourself on the waitlist for the Self Healers Circle. The sense of connection and shared growth within the community was invaluable for me, and it can offer support as you work through your own journey.
Healing Generational Wounds
When we work to heal our inner child, we’re not just helping ourselves; we’re also addressing generational wounds. In my family, for example, physical punishment was common—it was “normal” to use whooping and switch beatings as discipline because that’s what was passed down through generations. But the physical and psychological trauma caused by such discipline was often ignored or minimized. By acknowledging and working through my feelings about these practices, I help to break this cycle and heal a part of our bloodline, allowing future generations to grow up in a healthier emotional environment.
Final Thoughts
Healing your inner child is not just about improving your own life; it’s a commitment to ending cycles of trauma and pain that may have persisted for generations.
What’s one small way you can show kindness to your inner child today?
